You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
