this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
