This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
