I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
