Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
