Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
