I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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