I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate your face
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
