There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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