I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
