can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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