I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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