I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize