The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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