My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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