the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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