Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
