1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
