Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
