you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
