I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
