This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
