I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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