I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
