Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your cock deserves a montage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize