He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
