this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
