That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize