He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
