Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
