So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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