That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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