I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
