I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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