Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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