she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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