Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
