do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
