you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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