My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
