I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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