Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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