also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize