I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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