I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
