mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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