So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
