Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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