It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
