when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
