i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
