Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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