So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
