Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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