so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
