ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
