So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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