happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there is glitter all over my balls
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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