I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
