i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
