As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
