We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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