why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
