I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
