he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
