I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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