its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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