we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
