I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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