Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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