My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
