He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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