i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
