the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
