hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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