Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
did you just send me my own nude
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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