it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
