somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
