you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
