Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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