I cannot find my penis.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
