she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
