Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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