Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
