Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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