When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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