Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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