I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
