Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
