Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
