Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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