You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What a dumb baby whore.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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